Laptop battery's running low, clock's ticking, room's decorations just hanging there looking real messy. Don't ask me why I have the sudden thought of cutting my hair, I just have the sudden feel to. Probably cutting my hair would be the kick start to my new life?
I'm really nervous for my 'N' level results that would be releasing this Thursday but on second thought, I don't really deserve to be nervous or afraid at all because I think that I didn't put in enough effort, or probably I did, I'm not sure. The feeling is just so weird and feels up and down, I get really over confident sometimes but really demoralized sometimes.
Honestly, I've no thought of promoting to 5N and continue with 'O' levels. I can't really deal with stress and all.. So, it's either Polytechnic Foundation Programme or Higher Nitec. I'm praying so hard everytime I think about my results hoping that I would get into it and if I don't, I might be opposing everybody. Friends around me (in my opinion) are not supporting me to get into Higher Nitec as they say that the environment is bad and all, but this just makes me feel like these friends basically aren't helping at all yet makes me don't have the courage to continue my studies. I'm not pointing fingers at who or whatsoever but majority of my friends are not supporting me.
Most of my friends are actually encouraging me to get into 5N and all but I know myself best right? I know what I can deal with and what I can't. On the other side, I'm also quite stressed out by how am I going to face my relatives if I get into Higher Nitec, not to say that ITE is bad, but none of my relatives have been to ITE before and I'm afraid I might be the first. It feels like I'm struggling to survive in the middle of the ocean oh my god.
I guess I just have to put all these thoughts aside and think about where I should go after I've gotten my results. I'm constantly reminding myself to stay positive so that I wouldn't worry so much.
On the happier side, I basically spent most of my holidays just simply working, working and working. All of those places where I want to go or visit aren't accomplished yet just because I don't have a mate to go with. Just alone this holiday, shopping alone, eating alone, movie alone, I like spending the time with myself but it's just kind of awkward sometimes. (i'm not a loner) I have friends too just that they are just too busy with their lives or the things that I want to do or go aren't their cup of tea.
Finally, I have a two weeks break off work and here comes another problem - I have nothing to do. Maybe I will catch up come dramas, clean my room, clear my wardrobe and yes I'm going to open a flea again I think (not confirmed yet). I promise to try to keep this thing (blog) alive!!
Thank you guys for being there watching me grow during these four years I can't really express how grateful I am for all of your presence and help. :-)
Sleeping soon, it's already 1.48 AM and I can't get things off my head that's why I decided to wake up and blog, I was trying so hard to sleep but I couldn't stop thinking haha, my mom is going to wake me up early tomorrow so that she can wash my bed sheets ok goodnight. :-)
